A Yorkshireman Abroad: Alcatraz

Alcatraz – For the Maddest & The Baddest!

If the phrase Big Apple has come to represent everything that is New York, then surely Alcatraz must soon become a euphemism to describe America’s rottenest of apples?

Corporate America has always had an eye for the fast buck and never misses an opportunity to spin a few dollars, so it is little surprise that San Francisco’s former Federal Penitentiary – it had an unusually narrow shelf life from 1934 – 1963 – is now one of the West Coast’s main tourist attractions.

It’s been featured in a raft of movies, most famously Clint Eastwood’s Escape from Alcatraz in 1979 and, 17 years later, Sean Connery’s The Rock in which Andy Murray’s greatest fan again tried to make a bid for freedom!

Now, however, the closest you’ll get to ‘doing time’ on the 12 acre rock island – set in the middle of the world’s largest natural harbour – is by stumping up $30 to board a ferry to the ‘Island of the Pelicans’ for your cell-house audio tour; lots of info, brilliantly ‘herded’ and, like all American attractions, as slick as a Brylcreem quiff!

On that point I must give the American’s their due, they are masters at ringing blood from a stone when it comes to tourism. Metaphorically speaking you couldn’t swing a cat in the main cell block, and you’d be hard pushed to have a game of football in the exercise yard.

And yet, despite this, tourists pour onto the island like flies onto a piece of rotting meat. And the analogy isn’t entirely inappropriate for Alcatraz not only housed the baddest of the bad, but remains a decaying, untouched edifice located so seductively close to the mainland, that it must have been an eternal reminder, to the incarcerated, as to what their lifestyle choices had cost them.

George ‘Machine Gun’ Kelly

The story goes that an Alcatraz guard on the floor happened to be eating a salami sandwich while walking past George ‘Machine Gun’ Kelly’s’ cell when the infamous gangster quipped: “In my heyday that would (have been) a thick steak and I (would have) been surrounded by women. I had it all.”

The guard stopped to listen, then smiling at Kelly he threw the sandwich on the floor. “You know, Kelly, I’ve got a date tonight with a great little redhead. We’re going to an Italian restaurant in North Beach, and then out on the town. I’m not rich and I’m not a big man but I sure as hell won’t be here tonight.” Kelly’s bravado was said to have disappeared, at that moment, for the rest of his stay at Alcatraz. He died of a heart attack while awaiting parole at Leavenworth Penitentiary.

These days the American tourist industry has, somehow, managed to make Alcatraz into one of the West coast’s ‘must see’ attractions and, unless you book well in advance, you will probably struggle to get on-the -day tickets.

The macabre in every one of us wants to know how the authorities finally tamed Al ‘Scarface’ Capone (he eventually died in Alcatraz from untreated syphilis), Robert ‘The Birdman’ Stroud and Joseph Bowers, the first man to attempt an escape from the infamous Rock.

And, because of that, Alcatraz is booked up weeks in advance. But it’s worth effort to get a ticket and, even though this former state prison is tiny in the scale of things, it is fascinating and will hold your attention. They even have one of the last surviving lags on hand to autograph his memoirs!

However, Caveat emptor (‘Let the buyer beware’!) take note of my diary note on the day I went to Alcatraz…..’wish I’d brought a coat, it’s enough to freeze your n..s off in here!” Get your thermals on!? For more ticket information http://www.alcatrazcruises.com/

Fisherman’s Wharf

After visiting Alcatraz, be sure to plan a visit to the other historic, cultural and edible attractions in the Fisherman’s Wharf area, an easy 5 minute walk along the beautiful waterfront.

The ‘Wharf’ is San Francisco’s most popular destination. Known for its historic waterfront, delicious seafood, spectacular sights and unique shopping, Fisherman’s Wharf offers a wide array of things to do for everyone. For more information: http://www.fishermanswharf.org

Within the vicinity you can try a whole range of obscure ‘foody’ things but, if you prefer something a little more predictable then where better than the Hard Rock Cafe at PIER 39: www.hardrock.com

It can be a little loud when you are over 40 (!) however, the kids will love the fact that they can not only enjoy a great ‘American’ meal, but also experience the outlet’s 250 pieces of rock ‘n’ roll memorabilia!

But that’s all the ‘predictable’ stuff.

Down Town / Out of Town

‘Different’ requires a little more effort.

Firstly the city’s financial district offers some amazing eateries that are away from the main drag. One of the key areas is Belden Place which has an amazing stretch of fine restaurants including two which I sampled, Ploufs and the Belden Taverna, both absolutely fantastic and, no, they didn’t pay me so say that! I would go so far as to say they were the culinary highlights of my entire trip; well priced, superb food and worth the walk. For more information: http://www.beldenrestaurants.com/ www.ploufsf.com

Finally, before departing SF for Yosemite National Park there was one more trip I needed to make, Vallejo and the wine train.

Billed as ‘the best sunset dining in Napa Valley’, this was a truly picturesque evening of fine dining aboard the American equivalent of the Orient Express. Not quite Agatha Christie, but certainly an evening to remember.